I have started writing this blog about a hundred times, but nothing seemed to really flow. This exercise felt more like a free-write that was going nowhere. I was trying to sound smart about something I’ve only been doing for a little over a month, but every time I re-read what I wrote it felt so fake. It felt like I was trying too hard. And nothing made sense.
In my previous blog I wrote about how at 37 I’m taking on the challenge of learning to code because it is something new and exciting. It still feels new and exciting, but I have days where I struggle with fully comprehending all of the material presented. I am easily intimidated by the overwhelming amount of information I have been processing. I have moments where I am absolutely thrilled with what I’m learning and I get excited about my future in coding. Then I have moments where I am paralyzed by fear and doubt everything. What if this is not for me? What if I sound stupid and have no idea what I’m talking about? What if I’ve quit a perfectly good job and I can’t get another one?
I don’t like to dwell on the negative thoughts that sometimes invade my brain. I have to remind myself that I only started learning to code recently. Rome wasn’t built overnight. Yet here we are. Today is one of those days where I have to overcome the urge to quit learning to code. But I also know that we are not born automatically knowing things and being fluent experts on any topic. I will continue to push myself and will continue to grow as a coder. It’s only been a month - I’m trying not to be so hard on myself.